You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented.

I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle and I masturbate.

Everything that people say is testable.

You know when you see a mother someplace just melting down on her kid? She's like, 'Shut up, I hate you, you're ugly!'... Any parents there are thinking, 'What did that shitty kid do to that poor woman? That poor woman. I wish I could help.'

Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all gonna die and then you're gonna be dead for way longer than you're alive. Like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet.

Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it.

Stereotypically speaking feminists can't take a joke. ::audience boo:: See?