If you're older, you're smarter. I just believe that. If you're in an argument with someone older than you, you should listen to 'em ... even if they're wrong, their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have.

I don't know if you've ever had just five dollars in the bank, but I've found that if that's all you have, you can't get it out.

I don't feel those limits when I'm on stage. For some reason, audiences let me get away with things. Remember, it's all comedy. Words. Thoughts. All thoughts are safe and worth exploring.

It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me.

To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.

You have to do a show as honestly as you can. But you also can't afford skepticism, because it's preparing for failure, which is useless.

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.