Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

I was in a hotel room in Dallas, and I was jerking off so much and so sadly and pathetically, that the phone rang, and I thought it's them, they're complaining. ... "Sir, could you please stop?"

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead.

I like all ladies of all different ages.

It's easier to cancel a show if it's expensive.

Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two.