My last name is Szekely. Sounds like Saykay. When I was a little kid I had an instructor in camp who called me Shnizneckely. He would make fun of my name and it hurt my feelings because I was a little pussy and I cried. He said, 'Well, how do you say it?' I said, Seekay. So he wrote 'C.K' on my jersey and everything. He made my name 'C.K' and I just stuck with it.

I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's something you just have to know. It's like pilots that fly at high Gs and they lose, sometimes, consciousness and hand/eye coordination and they just have to know that that's going to happen. They have to be trained to not try to do too much while they are doing that. So when you are on stage, you have to be aware that you are wrong about how it feels a lot of times.

A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much.

If you can survive disappointment, nothing can beat you

The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.

You don't look down at your feet. A lot of comedians want to look down at their feet, but you break contact with the audience.