Look at all the minorities around here! I'm the only majority.

There's no such thing as a cheap laugh.

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home.

I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know?

The only road to doing good shows, is doing bad shows.

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.