People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.'

There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub.

I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.

I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.

Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.

There’s a need to perfect things in a writers’ room, and that can take a lot of fun out of a show sometimes. It’s a struggle. It depends on your personality. Some people love working with a writing staff. I had a great writing staff on Lucky Louie, but it sometimes felt like Congress or something.