If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.

I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor.

Expensive quality work doesn't cost more - it pays.

It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally.

In 27 years doing this, I've seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo.

I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash.

It’s been a very old thing for people to gather together and laugh at stuff. The first comedian in America really was Abraham Lincoln. He used to go to a pub near where he lived and stand in front of the fire and he packed the place every night and he would just talk and bust everybody in their guts. He was just a hilarious speaker and that’s what he did.