A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye.

One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old, on my arm like this. She was like clamped on, and she's kicking. ... And then she got off and another random child just clamped on. It's like a rat. "Get off of me." "But I love you." "I don't know you, kid."

You're a tourist in sexual perversion. I'm a prisoner there.

My bank is the worst. They are screwing me. You know what they did to me? They're charging me money for not having enough money. Apparently, when you're broke, that costs money.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.