God is like a shitty girlfriend.

When people are getting richer and richer but they're not actually producing anything, it can't end well.

I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at.

Comedians and Feminists... are natural enemies, because stereotypically-speaking, feminists can't take a joke and... comedians can't take criticism.

I love comedians. They're my community.

I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.

All these words we use, anybody can be a genius now. It used to be you had to have a thought no one ever had before or you had to invent a number. Now, it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a cup in case we need another cup.” “Dude, you’re a genius!”