You can do eight things. We got it down to eight for you.

I like all ladies of all different ages.

When I got divorced, I thought 'Well, there goes my act.'

Sometimes I just want to tell a story regardless of whether it fits what the show is saying. I’ve been in a lot of writing rooms where somebody says an idea and everyone’s dying, like laughing so they’re delirious. It’s like a black hole in a good way, everything starts to fall into it, you know what I mean.

I'm a good citizen. I'm a good father. I recycle and I masturbate.

You can't answer a kid's question. A kid never accepts any answer. A kid never says, 'Oh, thanks. I get it.'... They just keep coming with more questions - why, why, why? - until you don't even know who the fk you are anymore at the end of the conversation. It's an insane deconstruction.

The only road to doing good shows, is doing bad shows.