I have Twitter so I can tell people what I want them to buy and they give me money.

My uncles were all funny. My dad wasn't funny, but my uncles were all funny. Now I go back and I like him better than them, they were manipulative funny.

A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together.

If you do something and people think you're stupid, just go for crazy. You get more respect that way because nobody likes stupid people.

I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.

Look at all the minorities around here! I'm the only majority.

You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog.