All these words we use, anybody can be a genius now. It used to be you had to have a thought no one ever had before or you had to invent a number. Now, it’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a cup in case we need another cup.” “Dude, you’re a genius!”

To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction.

When I see two guys kissing, I'm like, how come I can't kiss one of those guys? They look like they're having a good time.

Some people think it's demeaning to victims if you ever say anything out-loud about sexual abuse of children. I don't know if that's true.

You can't answer a kid's question. A kid never accepts any answer. A kid never says, 'Oh, thanks. I get it.'... They just keep coming with more questions - why, why, why? - until you don't even know who the fk you are anymore at the end of the conversation. It's an insane deconstruction.

Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average Canadian.

I could never sit down and write jokes.