I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.

For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money.

The only road to good shows is bad ones. Just go start having a bad time, and if you don't give up, you will get better.

To me, comedies are usually the least funny movies. Movies that are actually a comedy are usually not all that funny. To me Goodfellas and Raging Bull are two of the funniest movies I ever saw.

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

When I was a kid there was a show called 'Holmes & Yo-Yo' about a robot cop. I LOVED that show and I think it only lasted like three episodes.

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!