For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing the thing. I rented it from Blockbuster and sped to that scene, and it was gone. I called up Blockbuster, and I'm like, "I got an erection, and the scene's not there."

I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.

People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you're home.

I don't have a gun, but if I did, I would shoot a baby deer in the mouth and feel nothing.

I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.

Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.

All talking is good, negative and positive. Stabbing is bad; talking is good.