Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.'

My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes.

Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance.

There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.'

I watch a lot of sports. But when I'm not working, I'm with my daughters every chance I get.

God is like a shitty girlfriend.