If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person."
Louis C. K.My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes.
Louis C. K.I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.
Louis C. K.There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.'
Louis C. K.Iโm boredโ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that youโve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that youโre alive is amazing, so you donโt get to say โIโm bored.
Louis C. K.