Honestly, what planet do these people live on? And why isn't it farther away?

Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, "Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin?

I am soooo excited, I am over-excited. I'm hysterical, I may have to slap my own face in a minute at this rate.

Unbelievable! I said, "What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties?

Look, I can't go out with you, because... because... because I'm a lesbian.

How do you make yourself not like someone?

I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls. You know, in a language that makes sense to them.