Love is a many trousered thing.

He came over and ruffled my hair, which is technically assault. I could get on the blower to ChildLine.

Watching TV mum said," Do you miss your dad?" And I said," Who?

What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?

I am exhausted by trying to get along with the Lord.

Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke.

Jassie, guess what I'm dancing in!' 'I don't know, a bowl?' 'Non... I am dancing in my Nuddy-pants!