You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.

I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!

Jas, whatever Tom has under his trousers is between you and him.

Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied.

Mum said, "It is the thought that counts." And I said, "I know, which is why I am ringing the authorities right now. Anyone who thinks like she does should be locked up out of harm's way.

Maybe he overreacted a bit." - "A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland".

And that's when it fell off in my hand