My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?

Vaisey looked like a startled earwig.

What shall I say? I must tread a fine line between glaciosity and friendlinosity. With just a hint of 'you don't know what you are missing, my fine-feathered friend.

I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen.

When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!' Christ what an image.

Love is a many trousered thing.

Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied.