My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?

You are not ashamed of our luuurve, are you, Jas?' 'Look, shut up, people might hear.' 'What do you mean, the people who live in the telephone?

Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, "Blimey, and also, what larks.

I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)

P.P.S. I am giving you telepathic hugs. P.P.P.S. But not in a telepathically lezzie way.

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind badger.