I put my arm around her and said, "Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me.

Who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs?" I said, "Come on then, they are down here." He said, "Tallulah, the answer to who wouldn't want to see some owl eggs is... me!!!!

What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?

I don't know what's going on with Mum and Dad, but it's weird. Mum keeps asking Dad to do things and he keeps doing them Unfotunately, she hasn't said 'Hand over your money and make your way to Europe!

Vaisey looked like a startled earwig.

This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel?

Watching TV mum said," Do you miss your dad?" And I said," Who?