Jas, whatever Tom has under his trousers is between you and him.

He said, "Hi, gorgeous," which I think is nice. I admire honesty.

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.)

What in the name of Hitler's panties and matching bra set was she talking about?

Maybe he overreacted a bit." - "A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland".

Some things in life are not pleasant but they have to be done. For instance, German and maths.

I said, "Do you think she thinks it's me?" Jas said, "Well, it's pretty conclusive, isn't it? She said 'the most sniveling idiot I have ever come across.'" I said, "I didn't know that YOU have been seeing Masimo. Tom the Slug King is going to be very upset.