Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them.

Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied.

Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.

I don't want to be rude to the afflicted but Uncle Eddie is bald in a way which is the baldest I have ever seen.

My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?

Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed. What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the Circus.

I will not have him in my brain;there is no room for anyone else in the cakeshop of agony. it's crowded enough in there already.