Here is another marvy glimpse into the gothic basement that I call my mind.

Shut up Jas, you are not Baby Jesus

Hello, my sister, Libby, also your daughter, is snogging a potato in my bed. What are you going to do about it?' Dad started yelling uncontrollably. I wonder if he is having the male menopause? If he starts growing breasts, I will definitely be running away with the Circus.

You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick.

My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up?

Unbelievable! I said, "What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties?

Watching TV mum said," Do you miss your dad?" And I said," Who?