You may think you're in love when the passions of sex get hold of you, but if you didn't love the man before, you won't love him after. Like him, maybe, but not love him.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

The best way to learn to be a lady is to see how other ladies do it.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.