Dogs are too much to handle. I don't need anything in my house that's needier than me.

When I was a young comic in New York and I wasn't getting any work, I was wandering around the Lower East Side with my notebook. I would stop at the guitar place on St. Mark's and talk to that dude for a while, then I'd go to the bookstore and talk to that dude for a little while. I had a guy over at the record store, and I'd talk to him for a while. It kept me connected to life.

I look at every book as a self-help book.

Your insecurity and neediness is what makes you a big neurotic ball of comedy genius.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look up and realize that you're one of those people you see on the train talking to themselves?

I'm weird; I have a very strange emotional memory. I really somehow hold on to even passing moments with people.

Jerusalem Syndrome is actually a rare psychological condition that occurs to some visitors to the Middle East. They get to Israel and just snap.