If you can't afford the good food or if you can't afford health care or if you don't have a job or if your car is dangerous because you can't get it fixed and you DIE, you just lost the game-bzzzzz-thanks for playing extreme capitalism.

It's not all about love. That's half of it... The other half is about that moment you have with yourself when you're looking in the mirror, and you just go, 'Oh man. I'm going to compromise my dreams, get fat, sick, old and die someday. I kind of want to have someone around for that.'

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.

Your insecurity and neediness is what makes you a big neurotic ball of comedy genius.

The medium of podcasting and the personal nature of it, the relationship you build with your listeners and the relationship they have with you - they could be just sitting there, chuckling and listening... there's nothing like that.

I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid.

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.