I'm sad to see the passing of the great drug warriors. I certainly did my part in that battle and I don't regret any of it.

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.

Left wing, right wing, I am wingless and tired of trying to fly. Here comes the ground.

Because we're comics and we pass each other on campus, we know of each other, and a lot of the time there's a mutual respect there.

People who have babies tell me I will know a love that is beyond anything I can imagine, and a joy that is indescribable. Love and joy? That sounds horrifying. I have no way of knowing whether I can handle either of those. I'm much better with need and fear. They are what ground me.

There was a period when I was getting a lot of banana bread, because I mentioned someone cooked me banana bread, and then everyone cooked me baked stuff, and I would take it to the hotel, and it was making me fat.

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.