I once talked about wanting to kill myself, but I don't think I was ever really planning on doing it. It was just comforting to know that I could.

I think most other comics are like, 'I'm going to do my fkin' act and that'll be that.' With me, it's like, 'What if I forget my jokes? What if I can't pull it together? This is going to be a fking disaster!'

For my next trick I will make everyone understand me.

I seem to offend everybody. I just never got into the universe. I don't seem to have a tremendous amount of discipline or patience with having to follow a story that is really multi-leveled and science-fiction.

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.

I'm a guy that after having experience in radio and stuff, if I can trust the people I'm working with, I get a real thrill with working with other people who are good at what they do.

I live in Los Angeles, I know it exists. I know you're not supposed to taste air.