Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic.
Marc MaronBuying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.
Marc MaronI feel bad for people who have never been addicted to anything, because they're the real losers. You want to know why? Because they don't know what it's like to really want something - and then get it again and again and again.
Marc MaronWhen you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate.
Marc MaronI used to be jealous; I'm not jealous anymore. And a miracle happened to me, because if you're jealous, it's a cancer, it's a plague on your spirit, it really is. And I actually cured jealousy in a very weird way - I cured it with mathematics. And I'm not a math person at all, but I've been with my wife for about seven years, so we have had sex probably, I'd like to think, like, 9 million times or, at least, 1,500. So, the way I figured it, if she goes out and screws some other guy once - I'm still winning.
Marc Maron