There's a fine line between cultural criticism and bitterness.

I think that standup has always been an acquired taste and there was always only a handful of performers that were really inspired.

For my next trick I will make everyone understand me.

I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid.

Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.

I'm just looking for authentic engagement of some kind, and usually, after an hour or more, you get that. Some people talk at you. Some people just want to answer questions, but a lot of times, all of a sudden you drift away, and you don't remember you're on the mic, and you're in something real.

There was a period when I was getting a lot of banana bread, because I mentioned someone cooked me banana bread, and then everyone cooked me baked stuff, and I would take it to the hotel, and it was making me fat.