There's a fine line between cultural criticism and bitterness.

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.

It may have lost its special-ness forever and the clubs might not being doing well but I think standup is in the best shape it has been in a long time.

Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic.

You hope to see an arc of growth in your ability to become a character on television.

I’m glad to be part of the war on sadness. I’m a part time employee of the illusion that keeps people stupid.

I once talked about wanting to kill myself, but I don't think I was ever really planning on doing it. It was just comforting to know that I could.