I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.

The truth is, I can’t read anything with any distance. Every book is a self-help book to me. Just having them makes me feel better.

Americans don't understand irony? I am an intelligent person living in the United States. My entire existence is ironic.

Whether people know the evolution of the conversation or not, I don't know, but thematically, as a comedian, I stay in the same ballpark - around my issues and my philosophy of life.

I feel bad for people who have never been addicted to anything, because they're the real losers. You want to know why? Because they don't know what it's like to really want something - and then get it again and again and again.

I'm not against people just being funny or telling stories. I don't need to delve into the soft, dark core all the time. If it happens, it happens.

I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'