This goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: To the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's just a little thing, really. But do you think that when you're done smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you're at it... do you think the rest of us could have our planet back?

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.

I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.

I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck.

I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.

I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.