Usually, if you smile at them and show some interest in the toy, they will give it to you. That's a straight up Democrat move!

Success is meaningless if you can't sleep at night because of harsh things said, petty secrets sharpened against hard and stony regret, just waiting to be plunged into the soft underbelly of a 'friendship.'

Most conservatives also believe in the death penalty, but not abortion, which proves they like to procrastinate.

I started [performing] so young that it might have just been that I kind of had to grow up and make people understand that I was worth listening to, even though I was a child.

I went to a performance-art high school, and a teacher there was signing me up for open-mic nights at the comedy club. I think about it now, and I think, 'Well, that may be inappropriate,' but it was great!'

The first thing you lose on a diet is brain mass.

Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever.