Usually, if you smile at them and show some interest in the toy, they will give it to you. That's a straight up Democrat move!

I think comedy is an angry art form; it's an outsider art form.

Try to have a good day today, wherever you are, whatever you do, whoever is near, if no one is near. Try to be happy, because you may not see tomorrow. There is someone this morning, who didn't wake up, who will never see this day. Try to feel lucky that this is not you.

The newest victims of the nation's foreclosure crisis are pets, which is extremely distressing to me.

In my life, I don't wear makeup, I don't care about any of the trappings of the "feminine," or how I look in photographs. To me, it's irrelevant, which I think is really shocking to people in the industry that I'm in, because it's like, "You should always look good", but I honestly don't care. It's not important to me.

Something as important as marriage equality, which is now a constitutional right [in the USA], is something that cannot be denied. It's also very un-Christian, if you think about the way Christ was and Christ's teachings. This is not loving. This is anger. This is hatred. This is bigotry. And it's wrong.

It's hard to find peace with your thighs, but when they chafe, try to be grateful for them. Your thighs let you run and get you where you want to go. I have not just thigh peace but thigh happiness, and it begins with thigh gratitude.