As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful'

It is discouraging to try to penetrate a mind like yours. You ought to get it out and dance on it. That would take some of the rigidity out of it.

Honesty is often the best policy, but sometimes the appearance of it is worth six of it.

If ignorance is bliss, why isn't the world happier?

I would not rob you of your food or your clothes or your umbrella, but if I caught your German out I would take it. But I don't study any more,- I have given it up.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

Congress: America's only true criminal class.