I purpose publishing these Letters here in the world before I return to you. Two editions. One, unedited, for Bible readers and their children; the other, expurgated, for persons of refinement

I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to literature. ... The early machine was full of caprices, full of defects- devilish ones. It had as many immoralities as the machine of today has virtues. After a year or two I found that it was degrading my character, so I thought I would give it to Howells. ... He took it home to Boston, and my morals began to improve, but his have never recovered.

The best of us would rather be popular than right.

Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.

Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.

If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.

The funniest things are the forbidden.