Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed - in a modified way - 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.