The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey!

The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.

I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the #‎ telephone .

Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery.

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Would it not be prudent to get our civilization tools together, and see how much stock is left on hand in the way of Glass Beads and Theology, and Maxim Guns and Hymn Books, and Trade Gin and Torches of Progress and Enlightenment (patent adjustable ones, good to fire villages with, upon occasion), and balance the books, and arrive at the profit and loss, so that we may intelligently decide whether to continue the business or sellout the property and start a new Civilization Scheme on the proceeds.