Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.

English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.

For instance, take this sample: he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race - and of ours - sexual intercourse!It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed-for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water!

My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.

There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.