Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

The self taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known if he had worked under teachers, and besides, he brags, and is the means of fooling other thoughtless people into going and doing as he himself has done.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.