The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

Going to law is losing a cow for the sake of a cat.

When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

I find no change of consequence in grown people, I do not miss the dead. It does not surprise me to hear that this friend or that friend died at such and such a time, because I fully expected that sort of news. But somehow I had made no calculation on the infants. It never occurred to me that infants grow up...These unexpected changes, from infancy to youth, and from youth to maturity, are by far the most startling things I meet with.