I said there was nothing so convincing to an Indian as a general massacre. If he could not approve of the massacre, I said the next surest thing for an Indian was soap and education. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run; because a half-massacred Indian may recover, but if you educate him and wash him, it is bound to finish him some time or other.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the native American is gifted above the sons of men.

Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

We like to read about rich people in the newspapers; the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.