It is human life. We are blown upon the world; we float buoyantly upon the summer air a little while, complacently showing off our grace of form and our dainty iridescent colors; then we vanish with a little puff, leaving nothing behind but a memory - and sometimes not even that. I suppose that at those solemn times when we wake in the deeps of the night and reflect, there is not one of us who is not willing to confess that he is really only a soap-bubble, and as little worth the making.

I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.

Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.

One of my theories is that the hearts of men are about alike, no matter what their skin color.

And always we had wars, and more wars, and still other wars - all over Europe, all over the world. "Sometimes in the private interest of royal families," Satan said, "sometimes to crush a weak nation; but never a war started by the aggressor for any clean purpose - there is no such war in the history of the race."