I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return

I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired.

When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.

I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.

No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.

We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.