The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.

You can't keep a juvenile moral institution alive on two displays of its sash per year.

Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey!

He had an uncommon fondness for cats. As an old man summering in New Hampshire, Twain even rented kittens from a nearby farm to keep him company until he returned home. "If man could be crossed with the cat," said Twain, "it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

There is no such thing as material covetousness. All covetousness is spiritual. ...Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment.