Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself.

Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other. It's like feeding a dog on his own tail. It won't fatten the dog.

He liked to like people, therefore people liked him.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.

It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.

All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.