In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.

Indeed, none but the Deity can tell what is good luck and what is bad before the returns are all in.

I was born modest, but it didn't last.

I would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than Ulysses S Grant in full military regalia.

Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.

When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky, because everything there happens 20 years after it happens anywhere else.

There is no other life; life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.