But old fools is the biggest fools there is.

The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.

....honest men are few when it comes to themselves.

In Austria an editor who can write well is valuable, but he is not likely to remain so unless he can handle a sabre with charm.

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Man has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights...sexual intercourse!...His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word, it has not a single feature in it that he actually values.