Everybody's private motto: It's better to be popular than right.

Tight pants are just uncomfortable.

Can it be possible that the painters make John the Baptist a Spaniard in Madrid and an Irishman in Dublin?

She kept up her compliments, and I kept up my determination to deserve them or die.

What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!