Everybody's private motto: It's better to be popular than right.

Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.

The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

Shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest?

How unfortunate and how narrowing a thing it is for a man to have wealth who makes a god of it instead of a servant

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.