I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.

Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.

None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.

Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.