Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

The Bible is a wonderful book; you can prove anything you want with it.

Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If The Eiffel Tower were now to represent the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno.

There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.

A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.

When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.